hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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