guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
