i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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