My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
