Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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