Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
