oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize