Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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