The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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