Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
