how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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