When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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