Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
