Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
