Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
