I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
