The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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