you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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