Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
