Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize