Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
