Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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