This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
