just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
