i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Four minutes until I can fart!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
