Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
