Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
