1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
