So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
