My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
