i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
