Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
