she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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