Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
