What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i dont even know how to be here
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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