I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize