That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize