Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
