So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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