you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
