what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wear drunk well.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
