3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
