just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Couch. On fire.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
