Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
