absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
