Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
