We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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