I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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