I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
