I want to make a zoo with you.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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