My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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