You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize