im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
