I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
