remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
