i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you win again, gameday.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
