You made me cry and you don't even care
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
