He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
