yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
