I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
