Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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