I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
