I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
