singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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