I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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