My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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