The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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