I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize