nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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